yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
