he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
