Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
