The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
