so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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