Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize