If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
