I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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