Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
