rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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