But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
