every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
