I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
