Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
