is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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