I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
