you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
