I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
