Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
