Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
