Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
