we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
