fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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