I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
