Just fell off a train. Bad.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
