What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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