she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My ass is underappreciated
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
