U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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