i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
