Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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