You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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