barbara walters just said penis...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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