Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
