Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
