There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
