What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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