You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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