She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
