The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
