i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
