so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize