Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
