Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What a dumb baby whore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
