Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
