Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
