You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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