phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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