i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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