Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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