do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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