haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
