I hate all girls vehemently.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
