how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
bring money and cleavage
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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