Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
