I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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