She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
