I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
