i just had sex bonerless
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dear god my vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize