Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
