I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
