Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize