Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
