Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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