Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
