Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Damn victory sex feels great
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
