pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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