sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
should my penis look like a turkey
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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