So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize