oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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