and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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