Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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