dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
