My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
