It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
