So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
