My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
