My boss' voice literally gives me gas
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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