I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
