we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize