but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
