i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
