new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
