The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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