Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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