But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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