I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
