I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
