How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
