I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
